Simon says....

I'm not ashamed to say I am a fan of American Idol. It's great human drama, and fun to watch with my family as we each root for our favorite singers. The last winner, Lee, was my second choice. I will buy his CD but I would stand in line to buy Crystal's. Every year we cheer for some to make it to the next round and also cheer when an annoyance gets voted home. But every week of every year after every performance we wait on the edge of our seats to hear what Simon says.

Simon Cowell is a fascinating figure. He's purposefully mean to people who annoy, disappoint or disagree with him and is very pointed when someone falls short of his expectations. He takes shots at fellow judges, at the contestants, and even the musicians in the background at times. He is very hard on people in regard to their personal appearance - the camera always focuses on his expression when an unattractive or odd-looking person appears on stage. In fact, he is so caustic toward people that there is this sense of heart-warming awe that you experience when he has something good or supportive to say. I have the impression that the real-life Cowell is in fact the obnoxious, pretentious guy with a sense of entitlement that he appears to be on the show. Don't blame me. He's worked hard to earn that reputation.

Two of the most famous Simon Cowell moments didn't happen on Idol, but on Britain's Got Talent. When Susan Boyle and Paul Pott walked on stage, no one in the world thought they would move forward in the competition. They were two people in whom no one believed but themselves. Had Simon run into them on the street or encountered them at a sales counter at Macy's he'd have dismissed them outright, possibly with an unkind remark. But their lights shined so bright in their auditions that even Simon had to smile. He then signed them up and became even richer on the strength of their talents. When they stop selling CDs, he'll stop taking their calls. That's okay. It's not personal...it's business.

Who is your Simon? Who has that power over you? Who is that person on whom you depend, waiting for an occasional "well done" or pat on the back? Maybe you suffer the insults, hurts and derision only because you so enjoy those rare moments when he or she looks at you like Simon looked at Boyle and Pott - pleased and surprised that you didn't disappoint. They keep you around because you are useful to them and meet their needs. You stick around and try very hard to please them, seeking approval and acceptance, and never feeling really satisfied when you get it.

My Simon had a hold on me for a very long time. Even when I broke away I felt the pull, wondering if there were ways I could get back on the inside and be a confidant again...get welcomed back and resume my quest for approval. This is not a healthy way to live.

Having come to a place where I place my hope in my creator who wants me to live my life the way He made me, I look back on my Simon with a range of emotions from humor to anger. It's good to be free. Breaking away was a process not an event. But one thing is sure - it's good to be able to say I don't care at all about what Simon says.

Do You Need a Nursing Home?

Our family celebrated my mother's 88th birthday this week in her new home, a beautiful independent/assisted living facility in Denver. She is happier and healthier than I've seen her in a very long time, and it got me thinking about how she got that way, and that we all need to go on a similar journey - no matter what our age.

It started with another fall. Mom had fallen in her bathroom before, and this last one was fast on the heels of the previous. My sister - an advocate anyone would be blessed to have on their side - took her to the hospital and there stood her ground, insisting that my mother needed more than an overnight stay and a pat on the head. Going toe-to-toe with those who were very educated and knew better, she finally got Mom accepted for a physical therapy stint at a wonderful nursing home.

Once there, Mom got all the support she needed to get as healthy as she could. They reduced her prescriptions that were causing some of her imbalance and making her appear weak and frail. They helped her stop smoking in a lovingly assertive way. They taught her how to properly walk with a walker and cane, and convinced her that these items must always be with her in the future if she wanted to never fall again. Most importantly, when she talked they listened, and they responded to what they heard. They didn't treat her condition out of a pretext of knowing what all little old ladies need because they as professionals know what is best.

Mom is now healthier than we've seen her in a very long time, and relocated to an independent living facility full of community and people who care about the residents in the same way they did at the nursing home.

So, my question is, why aren't we all doing this? Why aren't we all checking into a nursing home plan for our lives? After all, we in the sandwich generation are usually the ones who have to tenderly yet firmly persuade the senior loved ones in our lives that, for their good, they must get some help because of their sometimes broken condition. But will we check ourselves in when we need it?

Life gives us a beating, and our bodies and spirits become broken down. And we fall. Fall in to sin or defeat, destructive habits or addictions, or simply lethargy and apathy. Whatever it is, it's some kind of pit that makes us feel weak, alone, and in a very dark place.

I think the first reason is that we don't allow ourselves to become cared for by an advocate. We don't have a person in our lives that we allow in to know everything - all our needs, weaknesses, pain and damaging habits. This is vital. We need someone who will go toe-to-toe with us and tell us that we need some kind of therapy program. A plan of action to recover and move forward living a healthier existence. Having a person like that in your life isn't just a good idea, it's God's plan for living a balanced and productive life.

What do you do to medicate yourself? It might be your work, television, sports, alcohol, the internet, or any of a number of things that in themselves are not bad, but taken in too high a dose cause fatigue or weakness of mind. It takes a certain amount of humility to allow someone to point out that there are habits we need to rid ourselves of that might be damaging us in some way. Giving up old habits for new ones takes practice, patience and exercise. You might not need to stop an addiction like smoking, but do you need to give up anger, or sloth, or poor eating habits? Do you need initiate new behaviors? Do you read, connect with friends or take sabbath rests in your life? Do you isolate yourself as if living in a dark and dank world, or do you come out into the world and exist in community, sharing the joys and pains of life with other people?

Last question: What walker or cane do you need to have with you at all times to keep you from falling back into your old habits? What or whom do you have in your life that you can lean on when you feel weak - when you feel as if you might fall again?

Maybe you're one who lives a healthy, balanced life. You have someone you lean on, who acts as your advocate and can speak truth into you. If so, my question is: for whom are you an advocate, going toe-to-toe with someone's adversary for them?

We all need a nursing home experience. We all need that rest and recovery time to recuperate after tough roads in life. I've never known anyone who checked themselves into one voluntarily though. It always takes someone else in the family to say "It's time. You need help."

I dare you to be the first. After me.