Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Do You Need a Nursing Home?

Our family celebrated my mother's 88th birthday this week in her new home, a beautiful independent/assisted living facility in Denver. She is happier and healthier than I've seen her in a very long time, and it got me thinking about how she got that way, and that we all need to go on a similar journey - no matter what our age.

It started with another fall. Mom had fallen in her bathroom before, and this last one was fast on the heels of the previous. My sister - an advocate anyone would be blessed to have on their side - took her to the hospital and there stood her ground, insisting that my mother needed more than an overnight stay and a pat on the head. Going toe-to-toe with those who were very educated and knew better, she finally got Mom accepted for a physical therapy stint at a wonderful nursing home.

Once there, Mom got all the support she needed to get as healthy as she could. They reduced her prescriptions that were causing some of her imbalance and making her appear weak and frail. They helped her stop smoking in a lovingly assertive way. They taught her how to properly walk with a walker and cane, and convinced her that these items must always be with her in the future if she wanted to never fall again. Most importantly, when she talked they listened, and they responded to what they heard. They didn't treat her condition out of a pretext of knowing what all little old ladies need because they as professionals know what is best.

Mom is now healthier than we've seen her in a very long time, and relocated to an independent living facility full of community and people who care about the residents in the same way they did at the nursing home.

So, my question is, why aren't we all doing this? Why aren't we all checking into a nursing home plan for our lives? After all, we in the sandwich generation are usually the ones who have to tenderly yet firmly persuade the senior loved ones in our lives that, for their good, they must get some help because of their sometimes broken condition. But will we check ourselves in when we need it?

Life gives us a beating, and our bodies and spirits become broken down. And we fall. Fall in to sin or defeat, destructive habits or addictions, or simply lethargy and apathy. Whatever it is, it's some kind of pit that makes us feel weak, alone, and in a very dark place.

I think the first reason is that we don't allow ourselves to become cared for by an advocate. We don't have a person in our lives that we allow in to know everything - all our needs, weaknesses, pain and damaging habits. This is vital. We need someone who will go toe-to-toe with us and tell us that we need some kind of therapy program. A plan of action to recover and move forward living a healthier existence. Having a person like that in your life isn't just a good idea, it's God's plan for living a balanced and productive life.

What do you do to medicate yourself? It might be your work, television, sports, alcohol, the internet, or any of a number of things that in themselves are not bad, but taken in too high a dose cause fatigue or weakness of mind. It takes a certain amount of humility to allow someone to point out that there are habits we need to rid ourselves of that might be damaging us in some way. Giving up old habits for new ones takes practice, patience and exercise. You might not need to stop an addiction like smoking, but do you need to give up anger, or sloth, or poor eating habits? Do you need initiate new behaviors? Do you read, connect with friends or take sabbath rests in your life? Do you isolate yourself as if living in a dark and dank world, or do you come out into the world and exist in community, sharing the joys and pains of life with other people?

Last question: What walker or cane do you need to have with you at all times to keep you from falling back into your old habits? What or whom do you have in your life that you can lean on when you feel weak - when you feel as if you might fall again?

Maybe you're one who lives a healthy, balanced life. You have someone you lean on, who acts as your advocate and can speak truth into you. If so, my question is: for whom are you an advocate, going toe-to-toe with someone's adversary for them?

We all need a nursing home experience. We all need that rest and recovery time to recuperate after tough roads in life. I've never known anyone who checked themselves into one voluntarily though. It always takes someone else in the family to say "It's time. You need help."

I dare you to be the first. After me.



1 comment:

PFaustin said...

I am rereading the book, Samson and the Pirate Monks today. I first read it three years ago and began a journey with other men in the Samson Society. We try to do the things you are speaking about.

Going to a weekly meeting reminds me that there is a better path to travel. It helps me keep on track or get back on track. I am learning to let others into my life and to share the truth of my struggles and sin with them. I am learning that I do use various medications to make my life smoother and most are not very good.

I haven’t had a problem admitting that a “crutch” I need is Jesus. It’s harder admitting I need other people and then following through consistently.

Are any of us living a healthy and well-balanced life? I know many people think they are but from what I see, most of us don’t. Today I hope to accept God’s grace and live a few hours that honor him. I also hope that in my weakness I may help another brother make some progress down the path.

Thanks for making me think.

Philip